Archive for April, 2008:
Re: the previous post…
I let a commenter through on the previous post just to be fair to her, as she was the immediate impetus for my writing the post. However, I did not link to her in the first place because I didn’t want to pick on her; she’s not the only one going around spouting this Law of Attraction stuff, whether or not she gives the concept that particular name, and there’s no reason she should have taken my pitiful pinpoint spotlight for even one second while the rest of the LoA folks were let off the hook.
It doesn’t matter what book you read or even if you read any book at all on the subject; the concept is pervasive enough in certain segments of the culture now that it’s easy to encounter. Simply identifying as a cultural creative, even if you don’t run in New Age circles, means the LoA idea is almost impossible to escape.
And I guess I should also admit at this point to those of you who aren’t familiar with my political beliefs that I identify as a feminist, and it always raises my hackles when I see a woman stating explicitly or implicitly that she blames herself for a man raping her*. These monsters must be laughing themselves silly somewhere to realize that not only did they get away with the physical attack but their victims/survivors continue the brutalization by turning it inward on themselves. I do not blame the rape survivors. It is really, really hard to escape the cultural messages that say a woman somehow “asks” to be raped or that trust of other human beings is never justified. Some women who have been through the hell of sexual assault go through enough of a growth process while healing from the assault that they can realize they weren’t to blame. Some can’t, and some aren’t ready yet.
I have no idea what’s going on with this particular lady, I just know what I read in the language she used, and I’m not going to pry further than I already have. But there is a certain amount of history in the New Age, “alternative spirituality,” and personal development/growth movements of charismatic individuals getting too big for their britches and using others for their own kicks, and I see this use of the “Law of Attraction” concept to blame rape and tsunami and hurricane and poverty victims as just another manifestation of that, and I think this woman is part of the collateral damage.
And it angers me. Dear Noo Wage Personal Development Goo-Roos: If your particular process of “enlightenment” does not closely resemble the process of growing up, you’re doing something wrong. And if you haven’t moved beyond kicking people when they are down or excusing away abuse and intolerance, you have a looooong way to grow.
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*As opposed to “blames herself for being raped.” There is a political message implicit in the use of passive language to indicate that a crime has been committed; if a woman has merely “been raped,” it just randomly happened and no one except possibly the woman is responsible. If on the other hand a man rapes a woman, the man’s obviously responsible. As an intellectual exercise, flip through a few dozen media accounts of sexual assault and count how many times you read rape discussed in passive terms or, worse, as the attacker “having sex with” the victim. It’ll curl your hair.
Sometimes I wish the Law of Attraction would just go away.
It’s one thing when people realize that when they really want something, they are more likely to notice the presence of that thing in their lives, or to discover a way to get that thing. I’m totally OK with that concept. I don’t think it takes physics or intervention from God (although I will not rule out the latter), but it’s a nice, neutral “law” that doesn’t seem to hurt much of anybody.
It’s another matter when someone uses the Law of Attraction to blame themselves because they were assaulted or abused. And I’ve seen this happen. And it’s frightening and sad all at the same time.
Frightening because if enough people blame themselves for abuses and assaults instead of blaming the abusers and assailants, the latter will have free rein to do whatever they please. People who do harm should face consequences for their behavior, not have it swept under the rug because some power-hungry Noo Wage writer idiot came up with new language for victim-blaming.
Sad because people who have been attacked deserve better than to spend their lives beating themselves up a second time for something that never should have happened to them in the first place, REGARDLESS of whether or not they asked for it.
Moral, ethical, GOOD people do not beat, rape, grope, assault, drug-into-oblivion, lie to, cheat on, neglect, or abandon other people. If I left out any bad behaviors there, mentally insert them for me. Or add them in the comments. I don’t care. They apply too. Good people do not do these things*.
On the rare occasion a good person finds themselves with a raging case of cranio-rectal inversion and does one of these things anyway, that good person will stop themselves performing the act as soon as they realize what they are doing, and they will go out of their way to make amends. But they should not expect anyone to trust them ever again.
Meanwhile, if you really want to grow as a person, please do not use the Law of Attraction against yourself. And if you see one of these idiot goo-roos using it against someone who does not deserve to be treated that way, speak out against them, LOUDLY. There’s a reason the major religions rail against false prophets, and it’s not just fear of competition.
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*You will notice I didn’t include homicide. If someone’s about to kill me and I have the chance to kill them first, you better bet I will do it, and I think “good people” have a moral and ethical obligation to save themselves from harm where they are appropriately equipped to do so.
Some money choices I am not thrilled about
1. I think I mentioned in passing that I got a new camera on credit at the end of March. My Kodak was making weird noises when I tried focusing it on something. I had already had issues with the irising lens cover and the camera was a refurbished model to begin with, so I was afraid of being left with no camera and a growing kiddo and lots of missed chances at stock photo shots. I also did not want my little girl’s dad buying me some massively expensive piece of equipment for which I would feel indebted to him until hell freezes over. Somehow, being indebted to a faceless, soulless corporation seemed more attractive, so that’s what I chose.
I am not happy about adding the debt and I know how stupid it was. I’m pretty happy with the camera and how well it works, though, and I’m figuring out the manual controls too, which is a bonus. It’s a point-and-shoot, but digital cameras might as well be SLRs with extremely limited options in some ways, because the viewscreen on the back lets you see what the lens sees. This will hopefully open a few more doors for me. Plus, I now have the opportunity to make on-time payments on something I bought on credit, which hopefully will work in my favor. And no, I’m not sticking with only minimum payments.
2. I have mentioned the possibility of getting my student loan rehabilitated several times but I think I waited too long to send in the paperwork for my student loan rehab. I have seen nothing on my checking account to indicate that they are going to take out the amount I requested every month for six months. This means things will probably get ugly soon.
3. More recently I wasted a perfectly good appliance. My little girl’s dad brought over a Crock-Pot he almost never used, because I thought I would use it fairly often. Several times now, however, along with not keeping up with the dishwashing generally, I have left the Crock-Pot on the table with old food inside it for days on end. This last time was the last straw; rather than gross myself out by opening it, even outside, I taped the thing shut and stuck it in a trash bag and took it out to the dumpster. If my little girl’s dad ever misses it, I will replace it. If not, I am conflicted as to whether I should bother. I didn’t use it very often as it was, and I’m afraid I will just rot food in it again. If I want to ferment food in an appliance that badly, I should get myself a yogurt maker
Geez, I feel like I’m in a confessional. But I really don’t have a problem sharing when I do something stupid; I’d feel like a hypocrite if I tried to come off as perfect. I still feel silly, though.
Getting my free annual credit reports
I went to the AnnualCreditReport.com website a few minutes ago to see if I could pull up all three reports. And it’s funny, isn’t it: I can never pull up all three. I have to jump through hoops for at least one of them. TransUnion never fails to disappoint in that regard, but I was surprised Experian shut me out too. And both of them had identity-checking questions that included asking me about a mortgage I should not have had. I’m really worried about that, and will be following up to get my reports by mail. But anyway.
However, I did get through to Equifax, which is weird, because I usually don’t. I was very surprised at how sparse their information is. Here I am, and I’ve had credit accounts of one type or another since 1993, even if they’re all in collections now except one. (Ouch.) Equifax, however, says I have zero years of credit history and they only report a few of my accounts.
What, is Equifax the red-headed stepchild of the credit bureaus or something? I’m confused. Even in the past when I’ve been turned down for various and sundry it seems like they all want to ask TransUnion about me. And of course Experian advertises heavily to get people to sign up for their paid services, so everyone’s heard of them. Those two probably get more businesses reporting to them than Equifax does, or at least that’s how it wound up in my case.
I can’t say I’m thrilled at the way I’ve been treated when I’ve tried getting my free reports, though. I’d like to know what the point is if they’re just going to make it difficult. But this is like every other thing we supposedly have the right to do or to have–private businesses interfere with it somehow because they’re afraid they won’t make any money. It’s ridiculous.
Alert: Union Workers Credit Services
I got mail today from a company called Union Workers Credit Services, announcing that I had been pre-approved for a $10,000 credit line with a 5 percent interest rate. Suspicious due to the fact I in no way qualify for a $10,000 credit line, I examined the small print. This is yet another one of those stupid so-called “credit cards” that can only be used to purchase products from the company issuing the card.
I wasn’t going to fall for it anyway, but I Googled the company name to see if there had been any complaints. I wasn’t disappointed. I think some of the complaints are coming from people who don’t read the fine print (which is a bad idea anyway, but disastrous for credit and loan offers), but apparently some people sent in their $37 and never heard from the company, which places the responsibility for sucking to high heaven squarely upon UWCS’s shoulders.
These issues aside, the company is deliberately making itself look as though it is affiliated with a union, which to me is dastardly in its own way. Unions suffer from enough bad press–some of it deserved, some of it not–and don’t need crap like this making their reputations worse.
Anyway, Union Workers Credit Services? Bad idea. No touchy. You don’t need a $10,000 credit line anyway, not unless you have $5000 in debt and want to fix your debt/credit ratio. Of course, that only works if you never use the credit line. And how many people can say that about themselves?
Friday Roundup
If I named my roundups like some blog authors, this one would be The Long Protracted Silence Edition.
- Working Rachel continues her series about health care for independent people.
- Mom Unplugged tells us how to make a Mommy-I’m-Bored Box as an alternative to babysitting kids with your television.
- Unclutterer is exploring procrastination this week.
- Hungry Dollar reviews The Middle-Class Millionaire.
- And finally, My Dollar Plan begins a series on how to create your own dollar plan.
I am hoping to get more active here again. I don’t know how that will go, and it’s not like I have a huge audience anyway (something else I need to get more active in encouraging). On the plus side I am taking a more proactive role in my household, from taking my daughter to the park more often now that it’s warm, to keeping up with the dishes a lot better than I used to do. So it has not been a complete waste.
Update
Wow, I haven’t written anything here since Saturday! Oops! Well, I’ve also caused myself sleep deprivation, have been keeping up with the dishes, and now the weather is nice so we tend to go out as often as not. There’s a playground now literally walking distance from here, which was not there last year (as far as I remember). So.
I have also been taking my vitamins daily but Joe’s Goals is down so I can’t keep track. Boo!
I went through a glitch for a few days where I wanted to give up on this thing and re-organize how I blog and about what, but I think Aunt Flo must be on her way here because from time to time I get into that headspace where I want to just clear everything out and start over, and then my hormone levels change or something and it wears off. I’m so weird.
Hopefully I’ll write more later today. No promises though.
The Reeeally Late Friday Roundup
…So late, it ought to be called a Saturday Roundup.
But I got lots more done in the kitchen Friday, so I have an excuse. 
- A friend of mine from LiveJournal shares her sweet potato puffs and peas recipe.
- Caitlin at Clutter Cubed shares info about a What’s Under Your Desk Contest.
- Ana at DebtFREE-Revolution explains why you might not be getting the full EPA miles-per-gallon rating on your car. My personal bad habit, which she doesn’t mention here, was laying too hard on the gas pedal when I would start moving once the traffic light turned green. I’ve gotten better about it over the years, though.
- J.D. at Get Rich Slowly talks about learning to love the emergency fund. I really, really, really, really, really, really, really need to get one going.
- And finally, Mrs. Micah shares 10 signs you should cut up your credit card. While longtime readers (ha ha, what long time?) will have noted I prefer credit cards to debit cards if you are going to use plastic on a regular basis*, I don’t think it’s a good idea to use them as easy loan sources and I think addiction needs to be treated with a cold-turkey quit.
And these folks are showing up in Google Analytics as referring sites:
You may not all have linked to me but I appreciate you anyway.
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*In fact, I just had it demonstrated to me again recently that it is a bad idea to pay for gas with a debit card. Although I had money in my checking account to cover twenty dollars’ worth of gas, my credit union freaked and pulled twenty bucks out of my savings account to make sure the transaction was covered. WTF? Cash-only at gas stations from now on. Fortunately (I guess?), I don’t own a car. I was fueling my little girl’s dad’s car.
Might be slightly off-topic, but looks like a lot of fun.
Want a free Kroger reusable bag? Like to draw? Have a Kroger store card? Come up with a design for their reusable bags and upload it to this site…
http://www.designagreenbag.com/
…Kroger will credit your store card to let you get one of their reusable bags for free, and you’ll be in the running to win a $500 Kroger gift card and have your design picked to be produced on Kroger’s reusable bags to be used all over the U.S.
I will try to think of something clever, just to get the bag. Who knows, I might win, too. I certainly wouldn’t object to $500 in free groceries.
In which I ponder using goal-setting online tools
I am seriously loving Joe’s Goals. Just seeing the little widget in my sidebar is reminding me to take my vitamins in a way that pretty much nothing else was doing. Taking my vitamins every day = far happier and more stable Dana. My weight may not make me look like I’m starving but I sure must be malnourished in some way.
I’m looking at 43 Things as well, pondering how I might use it along the same lines. I had some goals listed there but they were pretty broad, wide, and vague. So I’ve deleted them and we’ll see what I put there in their stead.
I’m thinking I might take some larger goals, break them down into component parts, set up the component parts as goals in 43 Things, track the components in Joe’s Goals as I do them, and I’ll know I can mark them off as done in 43 Things when I’ve done them consistently for the required amount of time and marked them on Joe’s Goals. Make sense? Yes? OK.
So now I get to figure out what to put where. That’s the hard part. It seems to me as though I’ve managed to get through 34 years of life without being particularly important to anyone except my kids, and if I haven’t done anything special up until now, what in the world am I supposed to do from this point on? OK, I probably shouldn’t live my life for everyone else but me, but I was The Smart Kid™ growing up, and Smart Kids™ are often given the impression by their families that they should Do Something™ for the world since they’ve obviously been blessed with so many gifts themselves. I was not immune to the pressure, even as I ducked around it quite a bit. So that’s still hanging over me now.
(Actually, the belief that Smart Kids™ should submerge their own needs and desires in favor of Doing Something™ for the world on account of being So Gifted™ is not limited to the families of Smart Kids™. It’s kind of annoying, too, because you don’t have to be a genius to fix longstanding problems–but people who were never labeled as Smart Kids™ have somehow gotten it drilled into their heads that they can’t do anything that spectacular, so they foist off their share of social responsibility, with many an ill result.)
So I should probably just maintain my focus of trying to fix what’s gone wrong in my life first before I try, erm, expanding my reach to do other things. It’d probably work out for the best.
